Shift the Country is doing “Stories” posts from people working to make shift happen. Stories are our humanity; they are who we are, were we came from, what we’re dealing with, and where we’re going. They’re also key to several of the 5 Things. Today’s story is from Shift the Country founder Vanessa Burnett. If you’re interested in guest-posting a story, let us know.
My beige neighborhood looks like a holiday card when it snows. This is what it looked like at zero dark thirty last night; in a night that ended way better than anticipated.
The snow looks innocuous in the picture; but the night started with a treacherous drive in someone else’s vehicle to the airport in Des Moines after rain, sleet, ice, and in the midst of heavy, wet snow. Fabulous. I’d not have been out in such a high-risk mess only some of my people were flying in. Still, I didn’t leave until I knew the flight was actually in the air.
The drive back north was way less treacherous, so that part was good. The roads were plowed (yay taxes!), it was snowing less, and the temperature went just above freezing. Amazing the difference one degree can make. Physics. This planet is a trip.
It was gorgeous out, too. By the time I was back in the ‘hood and in my own old-school 4-wheel drive vehicle, it was done snowing and way less dangerous to drive.
So naturally, I went 4-wheel driving. Like you do. And then I went for a walk. Because it was just that beautiful out.
It was a perfect set-up for 4-wheel driving, as the neighborhood roads weren’t plowed but visibility was great. It was just a short go around a few neighborhood loops, and maybe an unplowed empty parking lot. Nothing too crazy with the driving, but it’s kind of fun.
So while I was tooling around the neighborhood, I came across a car running in the middle of the street… not far from an open garage with the light on. I turned around to go back around the loop for extra reconnaissance, and then pulled up near the car and said hi.
What I’d come across was a guy with a sedan that wouldn’t go up the hill of a very slippery driveway. City codes mean you can’t leave your car on the street in snow, and you can’t park it across the sidewalk. He’d have liked to have gotten it in the garage, but the driveway would do. Only wet snow is slippery driving. He had a partial sheet of plywood out to help with traction, but it hadn’t worked. I asked if he needed help, and he took it. I asked then if he’d grown up in Iowa or around snow. Nope. Turns out he wasn’t familiar with the concept of leverage when trying to get a vehicle unstuck from snow. With that knowledge, we got the board jammed under the two front tires, and he was able to get reasonably far up the driveway.
He said he was grateful to live in Iowa, because it’s a place where some random stranger would stop to help. He knew it wasn’t a crisis, but sometimes it’s just nice that people are willing to help. Plus, you know, it was cold and it was the middle of the night.
So then we talked more snow and driving. I mentioned that people sometimes keep big bags of cat litter or sand in their trunk and maybe a shovel to help with leverage in case of this kind of situation. He laughed at that. He said the people back home would crack up if he told them he was getting sand to put in his car on purpose… because it’s everywhere there. I said, “Can I ask where you’re from?” Iran! Damn. I love meeting interesting people. Yeah I bet it would sound absurd there to say you’re deliberately getting sand to carry around in your car.
So then we chatted a bit, like you do, and he said he has weekly dinners and invites random people from a few different places. Would I like to join in? Uh, hell yes! He advised that they eat later than what’s typical here in town, which sounds great to me. Homemade Persian food, too. I’ve only ever had homemade Persian food once, so that’s even more motivating.
What he didn’t know is that I’m a huge fan of connection and building community, and for creating space for all that. Plus, I especially like meeting friendly neighbors. What a cool thing he does. Right up my alley. Okay, technically a few alleys over.
I ended up texting him my cell number rather than trying to remember the house number. He followed up with an invite later. People are so cool.
There are people who go around saying that everything’s changed, and that people aren’t friendly or welcoming or wanting to build connection like what used to happen. But part of that is us. We have to be open to it, and we have to put the time in to build connection. We have to create the space, and we have to invest the time… or make the time. It’s a bit of a leap sometimes. It might be awkward. It can mean making yourself at least a little bit vulnerable.
It takes some skills, too. Like it’s hard to connect with people if you don’t have a way to follow up. It’s nice to have a casual conversation maybe in a grocery store parking lot, but if you don’t follow up with a way to stay connected it’s likely to be a one-off. Which is fine, unless you or the other person really want more connection but aren’t quite sure how to do it. Cell phones can make it easy with the ability to text someone new their name and your name so you’ve got all the info, and a way to follow up.
The tricky bit is offering to connect that way. A new neighbor in my own building pulled it off with grace a few weeks ago after stopping to see if I had her mail. She just offered straight up to exchange numbers, so that so either one of us could holler if we needed anything. A neighbor after my own heart. I often do the same.
Be well and be safe out there.
Join in on one of our webinar Zoom call thingies (or on Eventbrite) over the next few weeks to talk connection and community more, or about other ways to fight the mess up in this country. We build a different society by deciding to do so, and going after it.
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Onward.
Beige is one of those colors that men don't really understand.
Thanks for sharing this, Vanessa! It's important for us (at least occasionally) to focus on our humanity and the power of relationships. One.at.a.time. That's how we make change. We so often think only about the large-scale stuff. Lovely chance encounters with other human beings. Yah. Bring 'em on.