I've shared the meme here before on social media, but this time I'm posting it here as well and adding an editorial. It's time for me to say things out loud that I've been avoiding.
The meme says, "It's okay to be heartbroken for more than one group of people at a time."
I don't know how to clarify such a sentiment but I'm going to at least expand upon it.
Heartbreak is about loving humans. We can have heartbreak about complex tragedies.
So many people are hurting.
I hear from so many who are struggling with the spectacular anti-Semitism unleashed, uncovered, and freshly invigorated in the United States.
Only that didn't start last fall. It's not new. It's been increasing since Trump burst onto the political scene in 2015 embracing a whole range of hate and hate groups...
but that wasn't the start. The anti-Semitism here is very old.
I am always sad and angry about that. I am appalled that we don't spend more time as a society calling it out. I am appalled at the dismissiveness of many when it rears it's ugly head. I can't imagine what it would be like to live as a Jewish person with this all around. It has to be scary and infuriating.
I am absolutely horrified at what happened on October 7th in Israel, undertaken by Hamas. I am horrified at the situation with hostages still not returned.
I am equally horrified at Israel's war on Gaza.
I am not horrified because I've been watching propaganda; although people have tried to convince me that the news is not the news.
I am intelligent and discerning enough to take specifics with a grain of salt yet to still recognize harsh reality when I see it.
I'm horrified because I've been watching actual destruction, hunger, fear, loss, and suffering.
I am appalled at the straight up racism I have seen when many people talk about the Palestinian people. I am appalled at the not-quite-a-democracy situation in Israel in place for decades. It's not okay.
π My heart breaks all around.
My heart breaks for a people who could not find a safe place in Europe after World War II and so arrangements were made to create this nation-state called Israel.
But my heart also breaks for the array of people who were already in what is now called Israel and who have tried to live with this post-war arrangement. It has often not gone well. That is an understatement.
I am not alone.
Thousands and millions of people worldwide are struggling with strong feelings one way or the other on all of this.
But there are also thousands and millions of people with strong feelings in all kinds of ways on all of this.
Millions of people are heartbroken for the humans involved.
Decades and centuries of hard feelings and wars and horrors contribute and inform and influence our sentiments.
But this isn't only about complicated aspects of entities and peoples in the nation-state called Isra3l.
It's about the parties backing the players as well. We all know that.
We all know that there is big money behind a lot of what is happening with this unfolding horror.
Some of it is our American tax money. Some of the money comes from lran. Some of the money comes from elsewhere.
Now we are having increasing protests and pushback.
Now we are having perhaps increasing escalation in the war situation in the Middle East.
I suspect there is one hell of a lot more heartbreak coming.
What we're not seeing is de-escalation, diffusion, or de-fusion.
What are we going to do as all of this horror and violence continues and possibly escalates?
Can we advocate for humanity?
Can we advocate for the safety and survival and rights of both Jewish people and of Palestinians?
I listen to lots of experts, scholars, and think tank people ask all the questions and explore all the options... but none of the options will bring zero damage or hurt or pain to the people involved.
How do we navigate all of this unfolding horror and hurt and trouble?
π I don't know, but I think it involves the heartbreak, and the heart.
β€οΈ I think it involves embracing our humanity.
I think it involves listening and respectfulness.
I think it involves not accusing and assuming things about people that we can't know.
I think it involves a lot of deep breaths and contemplation and careful wording.
I think it's going to involve listening to pain and hurt and suffering and struggle... and being willing to share those things as well.
I think it's going to involve being aware of our own biases and being able to talk about them with other people when we see theirs as well. I think it will involve careful skills and learning in this area.
Somehow also we have to find ways to diffuse and de-fuse and de-escalate the hate, the racism, and the anti-Semitism when we see them.
I don't know the answers for that but I do know that calling it out on any side and not tolerating it is a start. It is a thing we can do. It is a boundary and it is advocacy against hate and intolerance.
Learning and growing and evolving ourselves is an option as well. Listening and learning will be critical.
I think more horrors are coming. I suspect we will be astonished.
We are going to need to lean into our humanity.
We are going to need to have awkward conversations.
We are going to need to grieve and cry and heal.
Our humanity is an asset here. Our love of humans is an asset.
π It is okay to be heartbroken for more than one group of people at a time. It is very human to react that way.
Even when people tell you you should be more heartbroken for one group but not the other.
It is okay to be heartbroken for humans. Straight up.
We need that.
We need our hearts.
We need what our hearts do which is loving people.
Our humanity can help us pull together as we find our way through all of this. We're going to need that.
Be well. Be safe. Take care of some humans today. Including yourself. We need us.
And we absolutely need the deepest parts of our humanity. Let's bring them.
πΏπ»π³
Life is not binary. We are not ones or zeros. Yet we are becoming ever more habituated to "good/bad," "right/wrong" and "if you're not for us, you're against us." We also have difficulty in distinguishing differences in "kind" and differences of "degree." Context, commonality, intent, and other important factors are ignored in favor of "us vs them" tribalism.
Yes - tribalism and blood feuds. I started watching Turkish historical dramas several years ago, augmented with Great Courses on Middle Eastern history. Besides the history itself, I looked for propaganda as the Turkish government shifted away from the pre-Erdogan secular mode of government, plus of course checking the tales against the historical sources.
And I noticed how repetitious it was. Seljuk, Ottoman, the Crusaders, the Mongols... be they tribes, nations, families, empires - for centuries the story was "cut 'n paste" episodes of slaughter, conquest, defeat, rinse, repeat. Land, religion, who had the tallest hat, biggest god and rinse and repeat again. But now our weapons are so much bigger and more efficient and there are so many of us we're all quite expendable.
At first, I thought the writers were lazy but then I realized how much the repetition reflects our current and ongoing crises. Talking with my friends of both persuasions I hear them resorting to the same devices - comparing body counts, using "zero-sum" logic that acknowledging wrong by one party somehow excuses the other and so on.
A friend voicing despair asked me how we can find any hope. My answer is always a variation on the "look for the helpers." Sometime they're right next to us, as was my friend. So instantly I knew there were two of us trying to fix things. Vanessa Burnett makes three, magnifying her count by how many via the inspiring words she writes.
And so on. Again, I'll quote Ambrose - "just keep walkin' ." We're not walkin' alone though, and it ain't over 'til there are no more of us.
Yes - the heartbreak is serious. Whether it be a close friend or the millions we've never met - now there's a thought on the positive side for our species - how many other sentient creatures worry about others of their kind or even are aware they exist? Blessing or a curse. Whatever - we have that ability. Where was I? Oh - yes - it's definitely ok to care and hurt for others, near or far. It's a special characteristic of being "us." We need to get it through our heads that we are *all* "us" and learn to make that something good.
I do not understand why it is so difficult for some people to relate to both sides of the horrible tragedy that is unfolding in Gaza. The Palestinians and the Israelis are PEOPLE...just like you and me...and everyone else. How can some people "draw lines" for who deserves compassion and who doesn't? We created the misery in Israel/Palestine when we created the state of Israel and relegated the people who lived there already--the Palestinians--to second-class status. What happened on October 7 was an atrocity. What has happened since then is also an atrocity. How do we make it stop--all of it--without recognizing the humanity of everyone who is caught up in the atrocities?