The Hard Work Of Holding Space For Hope
A Personal Note On Navigating This Time Of Acceleration... And Finding A Way Forward
Light In The Darkness
One of my favourite quotes ever is from Bob Marley: “Light up the darkness.” I think of it soooooo often. It’s kind of ridiculous how often, but here we are in a sea of darkness and that’s what’s on my mind. Lighting up the darkness.
Only sometimes it’s not realistic to light it up — the darkness, that is.
Maybe we don’t have the strength. Maybe there isn’t enough fire. Or enough light. Or enough sparks. Or enough flares. Or all of that. Or maybe there aren’t enough people to help hold and carry the sparks and the fire and the light. Maybe there isn’t enough bandwidth/capacity to coordinate it all. Maybe there’s not enough wind to carry the sparks. Maybe there’s an oppressive fog that’s too heavy for fire to spread.
Sometimes we just can’t.
Lighting up the darkness is a lot.
I’ve been trying to think of what’s the right thing to say here on this platform for a few months now; since the new war started; the new hell on earth; the new attacks and heinous behaviour by thousands all around. Rage and anger and violence and suffering and death… over and over and over and over. Bodies, families, communities, and homes torn apart… never to recover… frequently just to disappear. We may never know what happened to every hostage Hamas took out of Israel, and we don’t know of every death they caused October 7 and since. We will not know what has happened to thousands of Palestinians killed already in Gaza. With more to come all around.
I was stuck before the new war, though.
The hard truth is that it is hard to hold space for hope in a time of acceleration. In a time when everything is changing and lots of things are scary and the absurdity is out of control all while the public narrative is loaded with cognitive dissonance.
Where do you even start?
Stuck
The truth is that I’ve been working to grow this nonprofit for a very long time now, and I hit a wall this past summer. We were having a hard time getting traction and were out of resources while at the same time I was dealing with new and old life trauma and covid. So, the work here has essentially been on hold for a few months.
You can’t hold space for creating new things and for hope when you are completely fried. It’s hard to create when you are dealing with crises, or dealing with the remnants of crises from years past. It’s hard to bring energy to a thing when you are raw, and when there aren’t enough resources to make it happen. It’s just hard.
So, I stepped back to re-tool and re-strategize.
I ended up having some life happen, as it does. Good life stuff.
One thing is that I’ve been able to invest time into building new connections and into growing community right where I live — which is pretty awesome since those are Thing 1 & Thing 2 of our nonprofit’s approach. It’s nice to live it in reality more than just talking. As things intensify all around us, the connections and community we have in all the ways will be critical. They help us be more resilient and better able to handle this time of intensity.
I also dealt with some residual trauma this fall that had surprised the heck out of me this summer. It was old stuff and I thought it was mostly processed but apparently that’s not how deep, complicated trauma stuff works. One of the new people in my life helped me process stuff I’d never talked through thoroughly with anyone. I thought I didn’t need to, but apparently the thing that set it off this summer unearthed more very deep emotion than I recognized that I was carrying.
It’s made me think a lot about this time; this very complicated time.
Shock
We’re living shocks and trauma daily, weekly, or monthly as rights are erased, as hate spreads, as hate crimes rise, and as anti-everyone-who-isn’t-a-straight-white-Christian-male increases. The media don’t seem to know what to do with all this and keep reporting on so much of it as if anything is normal and as if the threats aren’t breathtaking. The cognitive dissonance and the denial are very unsettling, and serve to uphold the status quo and the path we’re on.
It’s super uncomfortable to call out hard truths in the midst of living them, and that’s what we need to do. Way more than we are.
We need to find our voices. We need to plow through whatever it is that’s keeping us frozen or paralyzed or stuck and find ways to help each other fight the spreading authoritarian and fascist threat up in these United States. The democracy is very seriously threatened and we need to start acting like it way more than we already are.
I know I say stuff like that all the time here and I reckon I’m going to keep doing it.
The thing is, trauma and shock overwhelm us and keep us from being able to act and to think clearly and to strategize. But we need to connect with each other, work through our stuff as much as we can, and to fight for a different path for this country.
We do with our humanity. We do it by genuinely and truly making space for connecting with other humans. We do it by being vulnerable. We do it by letting our rage out. We do it by crying and screaming and making waves and being strategic and playing both a long game and a short game.
That’s a lot of big talk but there’s so much to say and that’s the kind of stuff that goes through my mind… over and over. It seems worth saying more than once.
Forward
It’s been very quiet here on this Substack blog since summer, and now you’ve heard a little bit more about why.
Here’s the thing, though. We’re not going away. This nonprofit is set up for the long haul. It’s set up to help shift this country in a different direction — one that’s more sustainable, more resilient, and more anchored in our humanity. The pieces and parts are in place. It’s ready to go.
It’s ready to go and I’m rallying to help grow it. I’ve got a lead on some financial resources that might help us get this effort moving again in significant ways. I’ll be working the possibilities, and ramping up outreach with all of you, with our signed up volunteers, and with other groups and campaigns. One of the first steps will be to lay out an achievable project management plan that we can all work to grow this thing. Another step will be to release a guide and some idea lists for doing this work in-real-life and online.
Hope
I find hope in us. In our humanity. In how we love each other. In how we fight both quietly and loudly for our people and for people we don’t know. In how we try to do what’s right. In how we’ve held this country together this far by trying new things and by doing lots more of existing things.
I find hope in the thousands of fights we see every day. In a court case here, in a protest there, in a brilliant and clever reaction to a bigoted policy, and so on. We’re smart and we’re fun and we’re creative and we can do big things.
If you have been wondering what in the heck has happened to us here as it’s been so quiet, hopefully this post helps a bit. We’ve lost a few volunteers and a few paid subscribers as it’s been so quiet here, but you can’t hold space for something when you’re empty.
I’m rallying, and hopefully the intrepid crew of folks here who are interested in this work will rally with us.
If you’d like to volunteer, sign up here. To donate, use our website or ActBlue, or subscribe here.
I hope you and yours are well in this tough year and in this always-challenging-for-so-many holiday season. I hope you have some good connection and community, too. I hope we can grow more of that here in our own community soon as we grow this work for the 2024 election and for our future.
It sounds cheesy, but for real — I do think that together we can light up the darkness. Together we are a force. Together we are light. Together we are powerful. So let’s hold space for that.
Be well, take care, and thank you for being here.
“Light up the darkness.” — Bob Marley
Together we can bring light to darkness - at least in our little corner of the world.
Personally we've added a lot of lights! Carry on beautiful daughter! Mom
Vanessa, you know how much respect I have for you. And what you are working to accomplish. I’ve said it before I wish I could do more than a subscription. It is so hard to find the light in the darkness at times. But just like breathing, we have to find the light and keep going. Sometimes all we can do is be glad we are trying to change our small corner. Because maybe changing our small corner is like drops that eventually make an ocean. I’ve always loved this song. Barbra has a lot of faults, don’t we all.
https://youtu.be/bZXyEoD0lH8?si=qp_A0i35mTJJhyro